Just Because

This blog is a medium for me to vent about how I’m feeling to an almost too honest degree. This is not a cry for help, not something for any of you to freak out about or give me advice about or be insanely condescending to me about. Unless I die. Then it’s ALL YOUR FAULT!! (jk)

I think that I am going crazy. Functionality has become a bit of a problem. My house is slowly filling with stuff. Showers are too hard. I shower because I have to. I cope because I have to. I take care of my child because I have to. What happens when I can’t any more?

Depression is debilitating. Depression really does hurt (thank you drug company commercials!). I am tired and apathetic. I admit it. I ask God to hit me with a bolt of lightning. (Thunder, so I understand, would not be as effective.) God does not listen.

Religion, faith, prayer, meditation (if I were capable of it) do not work. I’m sure exercise would if I could work up the energy to get my ass out of the house. Tomas is getting take care of three times a week. God help him the other 4. No, I do better when he’s here because I have to, though there is that tiny bit of resentment that if it weren’t for him I could just stay in bed.

Maybe I just want to go crazy… isn’t that crazy?