Just Because

I believe I know who I am most of the time. I sometimes surprise myself (in a good way) as I mostly expect the worst. Here are a few things about me, on both sides of the good and bad:

1. I have depression. I don’t see a therapist. I should, but I don’t. I don’t take meds. I do better sometimes more than others. This is one of the better times.
2. I am a mom. I don’t know how that happened minus the sex part. The actual being a mom is the surprise. That I feel like a mother and can love my son so incredibly and am continually astounded by him. It’s a scary feeling.
3. About three years ago, I was married and could honestly say that I had not fallen in love. A year later, I had. At least I can say that I loved the father of my child. And now I understand the meaning of monogamy.
4. My marriage made me a worse person. I was a horrible person when I was married. Abusive, crazy, irresponsible, promiscuous, self-destructive. It wasn’t my ex-husband’s fault – it was a great excuse though. I know I am a better person now.
5. I can sing. I’m not that great, but I’m pretty good. I graduated from college with a music major.
6. I love cats and am also allergic to them.
7. I am uncomfortably Christian. It fills me and depresses me all at once. I wish I was a better person and know that even though I’m not, I will be ok. I only wish I was more forgiving.
8. I have great legs. The rest of me is questionable. But I really like my legs.
9. I am an extrovert. However, I can be an extreme introvert when very depressed.
10. I like things that make me look into myself and make me question myself so that I can maybe gather some more insight into myself. Self-awareness is more important than sanity.

There is so much more and I’m sure there are things yet to be discovered.