Talking
Dad and me
Whenever I’ve gone to a counselor they always say the same thing: “You never talk about your father.”
And I usually don’t.
My dad is a great dad for three year old’s. He’s a lot of fun. Likes to joke around, make faces, do theatrics. Responsibility was never his thing and I’ve had a hard time letting go that he never went to my high school graduation… or my wedding. But he is a fun guy. And a nice guy.
And every time you see the word “is” in the previous paragraph I almost typed “was”. Because my dad really was a fun guy. He might not be so fun anymore because he rarely stands anymore. He’s lost a lot of weight. He doesn’t eat anymore, only drinks glasses of milk when he can keep it down.
I found out at the end of October that my dad has cancer. Colon cancer. I found out five days later that it was Stage IV colon cancer. Inoperable. Vasculerized tumor. Too big, too spread out. My dad is going to die.
It’s been a couple of months. He went from “not feeling well” to “going to die any day now” in two months.
I’ve gone to see him a couple of times. He met Tomas. I had not seen him for two and a half years. I speak to him a couple of times a year. I never called because I never knew what to say. I still don’t.
I find that I talk about my father now more than I ever used to. I never expected to grieve his death. I didn’t think I cared enough. I guess I was wrong.
i’m so sorry love. there’s never a right way to feel in this situation and i hope you make peace with your father’s illness. please be good to yourself.
J
January 3, 2009 at 4:35 pm
I’m sorry too, luv. Your dad sounds like mine with Spanish subtitles, except he did show up for important events. Nothing worse than becoming more mature than your parent except perhaps watching them deteriorate…I’m here for you.
scribe
January 4, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Fortunately I haven’t had to deal with the death/pending death of a parent. But friends of mine have. Any support I can throw your way – count me in.
Peace.
green
January 4, 2009 at 9:14 pm
So sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a parent is harder than one thinks. Not a day goes by I don’t think of my Mom, especially during the holidays, Be strong.
Bluez
January 5, 2009 at 8:13 am
Wow. Just wow.
My had had radiation and chemo for rectal cancer. Surgery was December 17th. He has a colostomy bag. His check up was Yesterday (Wednesday),and they say he has Stage 3 cancer of some kind, my sister can’t remember the type, but they give him 2 months to one year. I’m pissed he went thru all he has at 83, then gets this news. It’s heartbreaking.
I feel your pain.
I’ll pray for your dad and for you.
Hugz!
DaBich
January 8, 2009 at 5:38 am