Smiling Grief
Some days, I want to do nothing. I want to look sad and have somebody ask me why I’m sad and I’ll say, “My dad died a month ago.” And they’ll understand – and then leave me alone because no one really likes to hang out with someone as sad as me.
But I smile most days. I act like I’m fine. I do not cry. I go through all the necessary motions, wishing that I had some excuse to break down, some addiction to get me through the day.
But I smile. And unfortunately I can’t carry a big sign that says,
“JUST PRETENDING. GRIEVING AND DEPRESSED.”
So everyone thinks I’m ok. Everyone really wants to believe it. And they don’t really want to know that I’m not.
So I smile.
